High school was a nightmare. I had nightmares about it years after it was over. I used to dream I had flunked twelfth grade and had to go back. The scary part wasn't failing - it was having to return.
My senior year I was intoxicated almost every day. I used to drink NyQuil on school nights. My parents are Mormon so we didn't have liquor. I would sleepwalk through dinner and go to bed early. The next day I would be in a nice numb haze. Then in the afternoon the tranquilizers would start to wear off and the nightmare would come alive again. It was something about realizing how all the optimistic promises you're told about life as a kid are bullshit, having to face that every day without any guidance around how to deal with it and where to go from there. Later, when I began to notice them, I envied those who had somehow figured it out, who at some point had realized that life wasn't a fairy tale, but it wasn't hell either, that the plastic ideals of high school are misleading, but truth and beauty still exist.
Anyway, I don't want to go back to school. It's not that I have to go back to high school, Jerri Blank style. I just haven't finished my fucking undergrad. I don't want to go back. I know the secret of the nightmare and I still don't want to go back.
2 comments:
Well, good thing you grew up when you did. I think they've taken the alcohol out of Nyquil now. Oh, and JR says we're becoming sober. Do you know anyone who wants some beer?
We'll take it.
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